Nov. '23 Connective Parenting Lessons

How to Resist the "Toughen Up Trap"

Hello Reader,

When I hear parents say, “My job is to prepare him to deal with the real world,” I hear a justification for traditional, authoritarian parenting, and I want to counter it to expose the moving parts.

Because the family is not the place to train children to be tough so they’re ready for the big, bad world.

Living in a family before launching independently into the world, is the place where one’s sense of self, trust, self-confidence develop.

So this month, let's talk about how to resist the "toughen up trap", even when we see so many stressful things going on in the world.

Warmly,

In this Week's Newsletter

How to Resist the "Toughen Up Trap"
Related Topics:
- 28 Reasons to be a Connective Parent
- How to Give Up Punishment and Blame
Plus 1-to-1 Coaching via Zoom, Facetime, or Phone
And Parenting Support Books in Print, Digital & Audio. (You'll wish your parents had these!)

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How to Resist the "Toughen Up Trap"

“But life is full of consequences,” the argument goes. Yes, it is. But to clearly see ahead to the consequences of one’s actions, the child needs a critical, opinionated mind able to judge, negotiate, and think through the situation.

This does not happen when “consequences” are doled out as punishment but when the child is engaged in solving the problem, heard and understood, and therefore truly held accountable.

The goal of the family is to raise secure, confident children capable of leaving the nest and contributing to the greater society—and able to find their way in an unpredictable world.

Here's How to Foster Their Potential

"This is SO important. Children learn by example."

Jackie Brown Healy, Connective Parent

28 Reasons to Be a Connective Parent

Parents are motivated to choose Connective Parenting for many, many reasons.

First and foremost, they choose relationship above and beyond all else because in the end, that is what matters most.

Read 27 More Reasons for Using a Connective Approach

COACHING

Let go of old habits that distance you from your kids.

Set up a private session and work with me via phone, Zoom, or Facetime. Choose a 30 (free), 60 or 90-minute session.

Let's Connect

How to Give Up Punishment and Blame

Even parents who have learned problem solving will say, “Yeah. but what do I DO?” Our systems are so programmed to do something to our kids—take away a cellphone or an iPad, send them to a room or time out, withdraw a privilege (what we now consider consequences)—that it is out of the realm of our common sense that simply talking can be the answer.

The hard part is knowing how the talk should go.

Find the Balance Point